We have been in Italy for three years!
The seasons are turning here. The first snow has dusted the mountain tops, the colors are starting to change, and one by one the chimneys in the village have begun to smoke.
Uma’s first family portrait in our village, Decontra di Caramonico.
Life has kept moving, even through loss. In July we said goodbye to Harlow. In the weeks before, I would look at him and couldn’t imagine life without him. Now there is a quiet relief in knowing he chose his own way, and that I gave him a very good life.
Uma has since filled the house with chewed-up toys and kisses, and she’s brought out the puppy in Derby.
It’s been a full month, too. Ryan and I spent a few weeks in La Gomera supporting the USA team at the World Skyrunning Championships (we finished 4th!). Then, just after kissing the dogs hello, I left for six days of Somatic Experiencing® training on global high intensity activation. I’ll just say, that was intense and also full of connection and learning.
But that’s not what I came here to tell you about.
Arriving in Rome, October 30, 2023!
On October 30th, we’ll have been in Italy for three years. It’s been a blink, and also a time of tremendous change.
It hasn’t been easy, and I won’t pretend it has. Italy has woken parts of me up, challenged parts of me, and asked parts of me to die.
You know the desire to make a change, but then as it’s happening, it’s scary and unsettling. I’m learning to ride the wave of what I know as “fear” without escaping my body or my mind. That’s a huge win for me.
Part of me thinks I should have been able to do this long ago, but I recognize that voice now as the perfectionist, the one who loves to criticize and question.
What matters most is that I’m starting to see how the way I relate to myself affects the people around me. It used to be all about healing myself, for my health, my comfort, me. Now the question is how to fill my cup so it overpours to others.
Sharing my own experience feels vulnerable, especially since I coach others through exactly this. There’s a belief that you have to have it all figured out to teach and mentor. I don’t, and I’m not sure anyone does.
Recently, a client felt the vulnerability of knowing she was changing without knowing who she was becoming or where she was headed. Her awareness, presence and courage to feel it in her body inspired me. She stayed with herself and let the waves of emotion, pain and gesture move through, completing responses that once couldn’t be completed.
Yes, I coach pleasure. But so many of us have a volume dial that’s stuck on low. We muted the uncomfortable sensations to get through hard times, and the pleasurable ones got turned down along with them. As we learn to stay with what’s difficult, the dial starts to move, and so does our capacity for joy.
Climbing the rava we see from our window every morning. Biked to the trailhead, scrambled up the cervi trails. Thank you, Ryan, for always bringing the adventure.
Movement has always been my go-to when I want to move through something. Here’s what’s coming up:
Online movement class, starting November 30th. We’ll practice moving, expressing, and inhabiting your body. Inquire if you’re interested.
Mobility sessions. Now available 1:1, online and in person.
Somatic coaching and Rolfing. I’m accepting online somatic coaching clients and in-person Rolfing sessions. If you’ve ever wondered whether that nagging pull in your chest is a muscle or a stuck emotion, I’d love to explore it with you.
Book club, anyone? My teacher, Kimberly Ann Johnson, has a book coming out November 17th called Erotic Seasons: Tuning into the Rhythms of Women’s Sexuality and Spirituality. I’d like to host a book club to read it together and guide the exercises throughout. It may be in person or online, depending on the interest, so let me know if you’d like to join.
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I also have some really exciting news for this spring and can’t wait to share it. Stay tuned for the next newsletter.
Until then, may this season, inside and out, bring you what it brings.
With love from the Maiella,
Hanni
