Why This Year, My Birthday Didn’t End in Tears
Newsletter No. 5- April 29, 2025
Last weekend, I celebrated my 48th birthday, and something remarkable happened—I didn’t cry. For the first time in years, I experienced my birthday without the weight of sadness. Here’s what shifted for me.
For as long as I can remember, my birthdays have been a tender time, often filled with unexpected tears. It became somewhat of a running joke between Ryan and me. A day meant for joy would often end with me feeling disappointed or emotional, triggered by small moments that somehow loomed much larger. This year, however, I tried something different—I chose curiosity over reaction. I got curious about the emotions that began to bubble up as my day unfolded, and that curiosity opened a door to something new.
Through this process of reflection, I uncovered an old narrative I had been unconsciously carrying. When I was 10, I had desperately wanted a surprise birthday party at the 49th Street Galleria, where the "cool" kids celebrated. What I got instead was a trip to the park. That disappointment planted a seed of "not enough" within me. Year after year, this seed sprouted new versions of the same story. I didn’t want to ask for what I wanted—I wanted someone else to know, to surprise me, to fill that perceived gap. When reality inevitably fell short of my unspoken expectations, the sadness returned.
This year, though, I paused when those familiar feelings arose. I acknowledged them and allowed myself to feel them without judgment. Then, instead of waiting for someone else to create a perfect day for me, I asked myself, "What do I want to do?" I voiced my desires, took ownership of my happiness, and chose to care for myself in the ways that felt nurturing and joyful. I moved my body, savored delicious food, slowed down to appreciate the spring blooms, and embraced the clarity that has been surfacing in my life. And for the first time, I felt the weight of those old emotions lift.
Hiking over an old avalanche while going for a little exploration near Rava della Vespa.
Through this experience, I embodied the work I have been doing with my clients. When we become curious and present with our emotions, we make space to rewrite old stories. We step out of outdated patterns and into alignment with who we are today. This year, my birthday wasn’t just a celebration of making it through another trip around the sun; it was a celebration of choosing self-love, presence, and gratitude.
Exploring a new ski zone, Monte Camicia near Gran Sasso!
Lots of hiking these days before snow but it’s worth it! Here we are going to Forchetta Maiella.
This clarity extended beyond my birthday. I’ve realized how much I value connection, teaching, and movement. I feel deeply called to create a space where others can also connect with their essence. I’m dreaming up a new offering that will combine my love for movement, guided meditations, and community. Imagine a space where you can activate your body, tune into your soma, and listen to your inner wisdom. A place where we hold each other through the gravity of these times, while still finding joy, laughter, and vitality.
Stay tuned—I’m weaving this vision into something tangible. Together, we can create a community of support and transformation, a space to reconnect with what makes us feel alive. After all, life isn’t about bypassing or avoiding what’s heavy; it’s about expanding our ability to hold it, while still dancing through the beauty and possibility that is available to us. If you have any visions or desires around this I would love to hear!
Thank you for being here and for connecting with me through this newsletter. The interest I have received has been amazing and it is clear this work is deeply craved by many.
I have a special birthday wish this year, and I’d love for you to take a moment to share one gift or quality of mine that you’ve found meaningful or valuable in your life. Your words not only brighten my day but inspire the work I do.
If this letter resonates with you and you’d like to explore how we can work together to rewrite old stories and reconnect with your essence, I invite you to book a free clarity call with me. I cherish these moments of connection and am here to guide and support you on your empowerment and healing path. Or, if you have a friend who might find it helpful, spread the love!
